True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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