so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
