i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
