Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
