What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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