Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
