Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
look no pants
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
