It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
