she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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