My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
