my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's Friday. Sex?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
