I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
