I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
