booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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