He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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