im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
