OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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