Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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