Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
