we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
