I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
