why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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