fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
