Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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