every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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