no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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