Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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