Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
