At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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