chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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