no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
