no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
