can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
