god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
