I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
