id be glad to
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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