Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
