so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A+ Viking dick
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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