who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
