she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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