very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
