and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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