It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
