She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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