I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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