My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He felt like a one man threesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
