just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
