So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
