I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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