He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
