Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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