i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
