I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
